Las Cucarachas

Oh lord, oh lord. I am about to faint, or have a heart attack, or both.

So I'm just playing on the computer, minding my own business, when all of a sudden this cockroach appears from behind my desk. I play it cool, saying things to myself like, "my, that cockroach is giant" and "how wonderful to live in the city". I try out various methods of killing or trapping it in my head, and none of them seem feasible because did I mention that THIS ROACH WAS ENORMOUS? It was as big as dearly departed Mousie, no joke.

One of my first encounters.











I'm hemming and hawing and trying to avoid having to interact with this bug, and it's quickly climbing away from me.





On to the ceiling! Not good! I go to the kitchen and eventually find a nice deep plastic bowl and piece of paper with which to trap it.





It has other plans. Those suckers are freaking lightning. I attempted to encase it and all that happened was a lovely crrrr-accckkk when I got it right down the middle. Now, I officially freak out because I can't lift the container because it will fall, and nobody wants two halves of a cockroach behind their bed. But I also don't want to press in harder because first of all, ew, and second of all, one half of a cockroach behind the bed and another in a clear plastic container is equally distasteful.

So I try to kind of flick it into the bowl which DOES NOT WORK and now the cockroach is somewhere on my suitcase. I pick the suitcase up oh-so-gingerly and THERE IT IS, now scuttling away near my toiletries which are all piled up on the former tenant's shoes, full of dark places to hide away. Oh, god. I don't know what to do.

I walk over to the desk and I'm moving the fan when AUGHGHGH a cockroach flies out from under the fan!! Was it the same one!?!?!? This new roach seems a lot smaller. And it doesn't have a major gash down its middle like the other one should have. Anyways, I manage to trap that bad boy and oh god, oh god, it kept pushing at the side of the bowl and I was paranoid that I was going to let it slip just a bit and it would get out and touch parts of me.

I am still sweating and my heart is palpitating, I swear. Was it the same cockroach? Where there's one, there's probably more. My suitcase was pretty much on the other side of the room. I know they're fast, but why wouldn't it just stay under the bed?

Where can I buy boric acid at this time of night?

I really don't know what to do. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want this to end up like Mouse Hunt, but I'm afraid I have no choice.