Time to Lean, Time to Clean

It was like Christmas today at work! A very sanitary, sparkling Christmas. I was just plodding along at my desk when a coworker flew by, and in spite of the Doppler effect I could make out "free stuff in the production room!" Oh man, I didn't even have my shoes on right, but I hustled over and woo doggie, boxes of free stuff. Here's the booty list:

• 32 oz container of Shout stain remover
• a large Glade Scented Oil candle, appropriately 'Clean Linen'
• a Glade PlugIn scented oil, flavor 'lavender and vanilla'
• a bottle of Off! family care insect repellent - unscented
• Shout wipes (12 wrapped pouches)
  
• 16 oz spray bottle of streak-free anti-static Pledge multisurface clean and dust spray
• Glade air freshener (again, clean linen. If living in a laundry room does not make me smell like clean linen, I don't know what does.)
• 2-pack of Tupperware containers, large
• Edge soothing aloe shave gel, which will probably be donated to Travis
  
• Giant 26 oz spray bottle of Windex multitask, Sparkling Lime flavor
• Scrubbing Bubbles Action Scrubber refills
• Skintimate Signature Scents moisturizing Kissably Sweet shave gel. Maybe this should go to Travis instead.

So now my tiny laundry room is taken over by free books, cleaning supplies, and a ton of pasta.

I Don't Need a Jacket

Okay, when I watched this video featuring the Haitian weatherman I didn't really think it was funny. It may have elicited a mild grin. But I kept watching it and it truly does get funnier with age. Here's one mefite's impression:

Before the day's filming, the news crew is approached by one of the producers.

"Okay everyone, we got a new sponsor. It's the tailor downtown. So from now on I want you guys to wear these jackets on the air."

All of them respond, "All right, boss."

Satisfied, the producer leaves.

They then spend the next fifteen minutes ridiculing the heck out of these jackets. They don't match what they're wearing, they're too hot, they're itchy, etc.

Flash forward to the moment in the video--

When the newscaster makes the joke about not needing a jacket, it at first seems like pretty normal banter to Arthur. But after a moment, it clicks. She just gave the finger to bureaucratic pudding heads like their producer. On the air no less. Hence the crack-up.



And another:

Surrealness by bullet:

• The weather report seemed blindingly obvious and ended with the weatherman about to bust up.
• Everyone was wearing the same uncomfortable looking gold jackets
• The laugh came after a beat that was held too long and in the end came off more maniacal than not.
• The cuts suggested the entire thing was scripted and then edited badly.
  

Another idea:

I'm assuming the following: The weather guy is probably still a little stoned. Those bad jackets are likely a running joke in the studio. No one EVER needs a jacket where they live. The weather report is always the same, day after day, Arthur intoning those same words, "Pretty much ever-where, is gonna be hot."

Now, one day the stoned weather guy has just about had it up to here with the ugly jackets, so he hatches a plan to make them look even more ridiculous. He gets all the on air people to agree to try to work in a reference to the jacket in each newscast. The way it works is you get points based on how much news has gone by at the time that you make your jacket joke. But if you wait too long, someone else gets to it first. There can only be one score per newscast. The theory being that as the program progresses, the tension mounts, and the jacket-reference brinksmanship starts to build up to unbearable levels.

The lady newscaster thinks this is stupid. So she makes a point to say every day after the early weather, "Then I don't need a jacket." In this way, she ends the game early in each program, so that they can all get down to the serious business of reading the news.

It backfires, though, because since the weather guy is a stoner, he thinks this is hilarious.


My favorite video is still the 'boom goes the dynamite' guy. Yeah, I know it's like years old. But I dare you to watch it and not wonder what happened to his career as a sports broadcaster.

Cherry Blossom Festival

I got into work on Friday and was like, "Mom??? How did you get in here to pack me a lunch and leave it on my desk?" Turns out, one of the ladies I work with is super nice and brought me a lunch and happens to have eerily similar handwriting to Mom. I haven't eaten the lasagna yet but it does look tasty.



I'm watching the Active Dog Championship or whatever it's called and man! This is as addicting as Project Runway. Djengo just went through the tube when she should have gone over the A-ramp! Stupid dog! The dogs are funny, but their handlers are even better. The one that just went was this overweight, slow woman whose dog had to keep slowing down to keep pace.

Heh, this tiny dog just stopped halfway up the seesaw and looked confused when nothing happened.

This program has the picture quality of the mid-nineties. It looks taken straight from America's Funniest Home Videos.

Now they're on to the 'veteran's category', with these twelve-year-old dogs are creaking through the obstacles with their elderly handlers.

So, the question on everybody's mind is: how were the paddleboats? The paddleboats, Alaina!

They were paddletastic! It took a lot more energy to get anywhere than I remembered from boats past, and I tried to keep blaming it on the wind no matter which direction we were heading.



We were about ten minutes late because a million people were trying to get on the same Metro car. I reached behind me and grabbed Travis to make sure that we didn't get separated and then magically, Travis appeared beside me. Oh god, I grabbed a stranger. Probably inappropriately. A lot of these people on the bank were waiting in this huge line for the boats but we were just like, see ya! Thanks, tidalbasinpaddleboats.com!


Travis sez: the Potomac smells gooood!







We were able to paddle up to 20 feet away from the Jefferson Memorial bank. There was a choir singing something that sounded like a slow version of 'Home on the Range'.



The Monument.










We passed the time by reading fine literature. I was responsible for the paddling.








After boating, we had lunch and I managed to find the 10x10 foot space in the entire park that alcoholic beverages were tolerated. The plum was great and the allergies didn't really kick in too badly.



Here are some of the real life cherry blossoms.







Jefferson Memorial thru blossoms.








Washington Memorial thru blossoms.











Air Force chopper thru blossoms. There had to have been something going on because the helicopter kept going back and forth.





Have you met Paddles? He's the least sophisticatedly drawn beaver in the world. The planners took an entire five minutes to find a clip art picture of a beaver and decided to call it a day.



Paddles was everywhere! Bad Travis!






The FDR Memorial was expansive. Some guy came up to me after I was taking the picture and was like, "Who's the statue of?" I thought he was playing the fool, so I said, "That's President Roosevelt. He's kind of a big deal around here." The guy went back to his friend and was like "It's Roosevelt!". No kidding.




One section of the memorial was all depression-era sad timey.







This was the most disheartening statue ever.










This guy was taking glamour shots next to a pool (no wading).







2 cute! Next to the fountain.








They went crazy and had magnolia trees here instead of just cherry blossoms.






I have to say, the Jefferson Memorial was kind of boring. I have no idea why it was so packed. I did like that there were not one but two gift stores that we were able to cram into a tiny elevator to visit.







Yesterday was also the Kite Day or Kite Fest and it couldn't have been a better day, wind-wise. There were a ton!

Names

Some funny hostelgoers of past days:

Martha Stewart
Katy O'Grady
Paul Revere

And now... a guy with the first name of "Jamarious". That's Jamarious!

Family in DC

Ma and Pa came down last Wednesday to see their favorite daughter in action, and perhaps we should have planned the trip a little better because it seemed that everything in Washington was inaccessible. We didn't have tickets to the Capitol Building. The National Archives line was super-long. The Washington Monument was closed because it was windy. But, as Mom can attest, we walked a lot and saw the sights.


Such as the White House!









And the Capitol!











Adorable.













Washington is quickly turning into SUVland.








We made a side trip to the free Botanical Gardens. I liked the dramatic mist.







We pooh-poohed the Archives on Thursday because there was a long line but when we went back early Friday we were greeted by an even longer one. We had much time to admire the possibly Ionic columns. (HA just kidding, they're obviously Corinthian. It was a test!)








One of the most entertaining things was watching these two boys (far left) fake wrestle and act tough, hoping that the ladies in the crowd were watching. I totally was.






The main draw was the Magna Carta, one of four known copies.












It was olde timey and hard to read.









Some other document. I've been to the Archives before.








Mural on the wall.









There was a huge crowd behind us. The security guard gave everyone this long talk and all I remember is 'no gum'.








And oh! For dinner on Wednesday we went to the puntastic Thai Tanic. Travis and I were trying to come up with other thai puns besides Thai Phoon. Here are some winners:

• Thai Dye (although many restaurants try to steer away from having death in their names)
• Thai Me Up
• Neck Thai
• Thai Grr
• Thai Knee
• Thai Breaker
• Thai Ten
• Thai Po
• Thai Rant
• Thai Ring
• Hog Thai
• Thai Coon
• Thai Phoyd (again, shouldn't mention disease either)
• Pig's Thai (not flattering)

Anyways, enough of my hypothetical eatery.

Since beggars can't be choosers, I've been a bit creative in my DVD selections from the MLK Jr. library. One of the recent ones was called "Just Do It" from Korea. I thought it had possible fun potential, but it was much better than I had hoped. The film is about this poor Korean family who, by chance, ends up with $3000 after the dad ends up in the hospital and finds an old insurance policy. The family injures themselves creatively and in three months end up with three million dollars. But then! They get investigated! I cannot tell any more. But it was very entertaining, except for the end which was a bit hokey.

Great sign on the NPR woman's bathroom.

There was this band playing on top of a truck by the hostel the other day with the drummer actually inside the back. I think it was for some voter registration thing.

Remember on St. Patrick's Day I was talking about the guy just singing his heart out on the corner at Farragut Square? Here he is, kneesocks and all.

O'verbooked

I was just going to sit around on Saturday night like a lazy person and watch Pygmalion in my underwear, but sprightly Travis wanted to actually go out and experience life so we looked through the Onion and he found Gutenberg: The Musical. It didn't sound very good but Travis is persistent, and it was playing directly across the street from the hostel so there wasn't a good reason not to go.

And good thing for that! It was awesome. The DC Arts Center itself is tiny, tiny, tiny with only about 35-50 people in the audience, max. We thought the Upright Citizens Brigade was small. My laundry room is larger than this theater. Anyway, while waiting for Travis to get money from the ATM I noticed that the woman at the desk had a black power pick tattooed on her shoulder! What a coincidence! I had just told the story of Mom's black power pick to my supervisor at work, and now to see one in the flesh! (sorry).

At the corner of K and 17th this afternoon I witnessed what could have been a Real Live Irish Man in a kilt and high white socks and funny hat playing the guitar and singing in Gaelic. Just singing along, really loud, Irish and proud. Erin go braugh.

We are overbooked at the hostel for the rest of the week, ranging from over 5 to over 8 or 9. Our suggestion is just 'sleep two in a bed and you pay half price', which I admit would be tempting if I were to be travelling and didn't have a stinky companion.

History, Naturally

Here's one of the last stragglers of many, many flower pictures.







I went to the National Museum of Natural History yesterday since Travis had never been and oh lord, it was hot and crowded. I can't even imagine trying to squeeze my way through sweaty, large bodies in July or August. Some woman was dragging her whiny child behind her and swung her right into my knees. I think it hurt her more than it hurt me.

I wonder if that's really a skull or just a prop.







Since Travis is just the keenest, he reserved us tickets to see the Butterfly Exhibit for the final showing of the day. Look at my pictures and wish you were there with me.



There was a butterfly on the ground and even though we had been warned to watch our step, one leaden-footed man of course squished it. The funny thing was that the tour guide tried to make him feel better by assuring him that it was already dead before he stepped on it. That was a lie.

This picture was taken only moments before its heavy death.

But even more interestingly - a white squirrel! Truly, Washington DC is a city where black and white rodents can coexist in harmony.

Flora

We've had a German invasion of the hostel recently, with around 30 students everywhere and making quite a mess of things. They're leaving tomorrow morning, so I foresee a lot of sheets and pillowcases that will need collected, washed, and folded.

Although I was struck with a nasty cold on the train ride back from Staunton, VA on Wednesday, my naturally superior immune system soon recovered and now I feel fine. I think this hostel is keeping me tough. I bet I'm going to get bird flu.

On the way back from a NOYS conference at the education building last week, my supervisor and I passed a flower shop and since flowers are the easiest things in the world to photograph, I have pictures.

Without the untold hours of free time, I don't get to go neat places and take pictures. However, on Tuesday I found myself with the time to get out to the Botanical Garden which is marvelous and free. It's their "Orchids A-Z" exhibit and wasn't every crowded. Believe it or not, I took more pictures until the batteries in my camera died and I had to trek back to Union Station to recharge them. Incidentally, I forgot my charger and batteries in the outlet and was twenty minutes on my way to Charlottesville before I remembered and called Amtrak in a panic. They were still there, and my faith in people was momentarily restored. I went to retrieve them on Thursday and the grouchiest woman ever was working the lost and found.

I did make a friend with a woman working the bag storage counter, though. She needed to get rid of a ticket that some other person didn't want anymore so she sold it to me at a discount. After working the box office for years, I can understand that.

The Martin Luther King, Jr. library has a rather unimpressive DVD selection so I have been revisiting the classics. Already seen: A Streetcar Named Desire, Double Indemnity, and Sunset Boulevard. Still left are Pygmalion and some Korean film that looks simply wacky!

Oh, we stopped by a Wal-Mart when we were driving to Staunton and to my surprise - they sold beer! And wine! Out of obligation, I bought a $2.97 bottle of Merlot. I will report back on the taste and quality once I manage to find a corkscrew.

Waiting for Charlottesville

Due to the influx of Spring Breakers at the hostel, I have been temporarily reassigned to the laundry room. Luckily, it has a bed and things to hang clothes off of. Also, a washer/dryer combo right there! I actually like it a lot because I'm not as confined as I was with the bunk bed. Plus, I'm the only one in there. Downsides: it smells like natural gas and various employees must walk through it several times a day, beginning at around 7:30 AM.

For the first time ever, I'm taking a train ride in the United States. Well, that's a lie. I went on that Bellefonte train in the fall. But this is the first one that is actually a transportation device rather than a quaint curiosity. I arrived at Union Station super early, and have been spending the past couple hours going back and forth from the Botanical Gardens, eating at Johnny Rocket's, and making friends with the bag storage lady. I wish there was a 'waiting' area where people with incredibly long layovers could go and play cards or something with other early people. Alas; I am resigned to sitting on the cold brick floor up against an ATM because it's the only place with a power supply to recharge my batteries.

Devolving

I just hung up the phone after saying "Good luck, and Godspeed to you!" with an incredible level of snark. This hostel job is making a bitter and sarcastic receptionist of me. I can only partly excuse my behavior by describing my work schedule of late:

Saturday: 8:00 AM until 3:30 PM.
Sunday: 8:00 AM until 11:00 PM.
Monday: 8:00 AM until 8:35 AM. Then psychologist. Then ACE.
Tuesday: 8:00 AM until 8:35 AM. Then ACE. Then hostel 5:30 PM until 11:00 PM.
Wednesday: 8:00 AM until 8:35 AM, ACE in later morning, psychologist from 3:00 until 8:00.
Thursday: 8:00 AM until 8:35 AM. ACE. Hostel 5:30 PM until 11:00 PM.
Friday: 8:00 AM until 8:35 AM. Psychologist at 9:00. Then ACE. Hostel 5:30 PM until 9:00 PM.
Saturday: 8:00 AM until 3:30 PM.
Sunday: 8:00 AM until 11:00 PM.

And the beat goes on.

Buuuut... I did get a rave review on a hostel review site, with one lad saying "Great location, honestly the best place to stay in DC if you're young. The staff was great and stayed up for me even through I missed my check-in time, and the price was great. All and all a great hostel and I'd stay there again".

I was the staff. And I was great! And he did indeed miss his check-in time.

So Myron Cope died, which didn't come as that big of a surprise because I thought he was already dead. I never listened to him on the radio but his voice still resonates through my brain, screetching "IT'S THE my-RON COPE kiel-BASA SUB! THEY na-MED IT af-TER MEE!!!". Then I recall that crazy dance he did, which Arienne mastered in a short time because she was the one in the family with the physical acuity.

Weird stuffed animal found stuck under a gate on 18th street.







Oh, what luck! I found the pasta equivalent of a wishbone but I shall not break it, oh no. It's hanging on the blinds cord next to my bed.

Hostel and Zoo

It's been hostel, hostel, hostel for a while now and looks like it will continue unabated since Antonio took a week and half's vacation to the Poconos. This morning a lot of inconsiderate people left grossness in the sink. I'm getting cabin fever.

Sadly, we're approaching Spring Break season and a look at the upcoming weeks is horrifying. We're tripling bunks in one room to hold the demand. I am willing to bet I'll be folding a lot of laundry.

I was at Travis' apartment yesterday and these girls that I have never seen before (and neither had several of his roommates) brought over this Martha Stewart-style catered picnic dinner consisting of salad, chicken, tasty ravioli, chocolate chip cookies, and homemade rice krispy treats. Oh, oh, yes! Why? I didn't care! Everything was delicious.

I pretty much stopped buying food and now survive on a medley of food that people leave behind. Smoked sausage? Sure! 24-pack of Natural Light? Um, okay! Jar of yeast? No!

Oh god, this guy checked in and I smelled him and said, "ew, reeky Play-Doh." I don't know what stench this is, but I bet it involved a healthy dose of not showering. What's worse is that now half of the top floor is permeated by this odor.

Speaking of, um... showering, no one at work told me that we have a gym on the second floor of my building and better yet, it's completely free to employees. But now I know. Look how empty and nice it is! I have never seen anyone else there but my boss, once.

And a gratuitous me-shot, looking kind of cranky.

Lovely.










Toiletries were provided and smelled excellent.







There was more equipment than this.







Of course the view from the stationary bike is a custard shoppe.







I discovered that we have magnets! Now there are a few on my bunk bed.






You cannot go through life with the last name of Payne and not want to be a doctor. It's true.






So Laura came up last weekend, awesome, and I finally got to meet Chad, who I didn't realize went to Georgetown. This was the dessert that I was brave enough to order at Tryst and oh my, so good. I didn't realize that the creme filling was some sort of cheese (mascarpone?) until I finished it. I'm not sure how it would have affected my enjoyment had I known earlier.

One receives animal crackers with all coffee beverages. How droll.







Remember a couple of days ago when I was musing about going to the zoo? I mustered the energy and indeed made the trip north. I skipped the Invertebrate House (I've spent too much time there) and headed towards the Reptile House. Last time I went my batteries died two exhibits in so for all of you that have had to wait this long, my profound apologies.

Of course everyone remembers our skinky friend.







An imperial-looking lizard.










This was some sort of giant water snake and I managed to catch it mid-hiss. Sweet.






More snake.








Close-up of a snake with what looked like a glaucoma problem.







Some reptile that was hugging the wall.







I don't care much for frogs but I do love this kind that looks like a big pile of muck.






Additional lizard.








Ah, crocodiles! But wait - they aren't real! I don't know why they felt they had to create the illusion of a croc farm, because they already had two very live crocodiles.



Here's one of them.








Dangly snake.








I think there might have been a turtle involved with this exhibit.